Inquisitive Conversationalist Pillows

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Attention Span Man

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'