Instrument Fixer Prints

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Computer operator welding machine.

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

No Instruments Please

"She does this when she's tired."

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

Super glue . . .

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I can't find the instructions."

Irritable dowel syndrome

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

The Invention of Bagpipes

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"It's garage music."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'I find the ultrasonic whistle musically limiting, so I've invented an ultrasonic flute...'

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

Unfinished Furniture.

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'Forget about going to the store for a bicycle patch. I used one of your nicotine patches.'

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

My other viola is a Stradivari.