Instant Gratification Fan Pillows

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

Hey, I think I found something. Heavy metal detector.

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

Man with desk wrapped as a Christmas present.

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"Use your head, follow your heart and go with your gut."

'Personally, I don't question these things. My snout period will simply end when it ends.'

"O.K. 'The Giant Baby from Space,' Take 1."

"Oh, that's just one of those special effects for a film they're making here."

Emergency Underpants

"I worry that some people find me boring"

What's really in junk food...

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

Transformation of Man into Monster.

"Why, pray, am I not on YouTube?"

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"You're so vein."

"They may be champagne problems, but they're my problems."

Street violinists unknowingly plays a concert.

Can we get special effects to digitally enhance our bottom line?

"Was that the sensitive spot you were telling me about?"

'Well, you appear to be free of infection, but your colonoscopy video has gone viral.'

"Eye of toad, ear of bat and that horrible lumpy bit in the middle of a Pot Noodle."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

Ned hated being famous: "Hey, everybody! It's the substitute weather guy who wore a green sweater on camera and looked like he had a hole in his body!"

'Boy, you're really into yourself, aren't you?'

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

Vampire eating a 'Clot Noodle'.

"Welcome to the Department of Delayed Gratification. Take a number."