Inspection Anxiety Survivor Gifts

'Is it a BIRD?...Is it a PLANE?...No it's another in depth inspection from the Quality Care Commission.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Evil Exams!

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

Beware of Everything

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Virtual interview.

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"I love your enthusiasm but we were actually looking for someone who could do the job."

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Number two pencil, pretending to be a number one, fears that his deception has been uncovered.

"I'm sorry sir, we are now closed."

Border Guard

Pole Dancing Every Night: 'It's one of the perks of being a weights and measures inspector.'

"Sure, playing hot potato is fun until someone pokes an eye out!"

"Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?"

"We want someone who can lead in a crisis, but doesn't."

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

"Where do you see yourself, say, five recessions from now?"

Interviewing for a new Servant

"Saaay, aren't you the I.R.S. guy who audited me last week?"

'Don't forget - keep the potassium chloride in a separate container.'

'Dad, the kid who lives here has broken your hammer with his head.'

"I regret to inform you that your position here is at risk. . . great risk."

"The ice at the rink isn't smooth. I think the maintenance team slipped up."

'We're looking for a candidate who is good at handling unexpected situations!'