Innocent Jokester T-Shirts

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

"I'll have a big, long cucumber!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

I fart more than that!

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Must get a longer cable."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

The Female Brain and The Other One

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"My husband is fishing. . ."

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"So tell me about your last poop."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

The Principal of Inertia.

"Perhaps we should start by addressing your fears."

Broad Minded

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'