Innocence Aficionados Gifts

'Near as I can understand, my folks come from Kansas, and the stork brought me.'

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

First love.

Boy on father's knee

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

A right of privacy party.

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"Mr. Hazlett is in conference right now. Would you care to see his evil twin?"

Whatever

'We're screwed. Three Flashing Furillos eloped with Tribada Trio!'

"Don't you just love them when they're that age?"

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

'Now we'll try some word association.', 'Fling dorp snoogle!'

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

Bookie by Merry-Go-Round.

'A sincere apology costs nothing and it's a smart career move.'

"Stupid squirrel! This happens every time we let the dog drive."

"Regift the bicycle, Charles, but put this in my Panama pile."

The rivalry between the Hamptons and Cape Code spills over.

"Do I take it you want to keep your application secret."

Postman walking away from mailbox after putting mail in. Sounds of it eating can be heard.

"Looks like you'd better cancel poker night.

'Some good news! Any of you in this layoff who become homeless, we will lend you bus fare to warmer climes!'

'Thank you for not mentioning me by name.'

The Ballad of Wooly Pete

The Logic of Lesser Evilism

"I still say it's a napalm tree."

"My mom said to tell you she's not home!"

Finally, after millions of years, evolution solves mankind's smoking problem.