Inner Dialogue Conductor Gifts

"So all my split personalities have decided to form a union and go on strike. For the first time in my life there is peace and quiet. The humanist in me says to enjoy it, but the greedy part of me says to send in the scabs and revive the inner dialogues for less pay and benefits."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"You don't need to be anti-white to be pro-black."

"Jane's internal monologue is 'Hamlet'."

"I would stop the negative self talk if I wasn't such a worthless, pathetic loser."

"Listen to your inner voice...unless it tells you not to listen to me."

'I agree with the government.'

"This is sheer bloody mindfulness."

"My wife's a magician . . . she can turn anything into an argument."

I'm beginning to think that my wit and Erudition is wasted on you

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

Darling, we really should talk some time."

Interior Monologuist

Very rarely are we as harsh to colleagues as we are to ourselves.

"And remember, peace comes from within."

Of course I talk to myself. It's the only intelligent conversation I have all day.

"Would it kill me to get in touch with my mother once in a while?"

"Have you considered the face that the voices you keep hearing are trying to reason with you?"

'All I want from them is a simple majority on things.'

'Enough frank and honest talk. Let's go back to hypocrisy and dishonest talk.'

"OK guys, one more time, and this time Fred, concentrate: your last howl was out of tune..."

"Anyway, during lockdown our Jaxen discovered he doesn't actually have an internal monolgue."

'It's my inner voice that lacks confidence, not me. It keeps asking, 'Can you hear me now'?'

Penny for your inner monologue

'Have you seen the floor cloth anywhere?' - 'What colour is it?' - 'Green.' - 'No, I definitely haven't seen a green floor cloth.' - 'All I have is this turqoise dish cloth that I found under the fridge.'

'In the little movie inside my head, you're the bad guy.'

'Note to Self: don't listen to me or anyone else, just be yourself.'

"What were you saying? My inner voice drowned you out for a second."

'Mumble mumble.' - 'He talks to himself.' - 'Then disagrees with everything he's said.'

"Have you noticed? Miss Harris talks to herself."

The voices in Carl's head heard voices too.