Inheriting Pillows

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

'You've inherited the family misfortune.' (Inheritance Tax Hike).

"This was my father's desk, He frequently banged his head on it."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

"Someday this will all be yours...assuming that someday you'll have enough to buy it from me."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

'Someday, son, when I've gone to that big roundup in the sky all this will be yours.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

"One fine day my son, all this will be yours."

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."