Inheritance Optimizer Pillows

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

The Devolution of Man

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

"That's your tiny house!"

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

Kids' energy levels

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

'I prefer it this way.'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'