Inheritance Introspectors Pillows

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

"I'm going to go ahead and blame this one on my parents."

God changes His will.

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

She's leaving me all her money.'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

Since Greg was accepted by Mensa, he'd rather not say anything than say something incorrect.

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"Your uncle wanted the title to his 'last will and testament' changed to 'last laugh'."

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"