Ingredient Scout Mugs

"What's this Artificial newt's tail? Instant toad urine? No wonder your spells suck!"

Toadstools

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Honest Vending

All Natural Nothing

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Diet considerations.'

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"Into every shopping cart a little mysterious Mediterranean product must fall."

Secret Family Recipes

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

Kitchen Consultations

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"