Information Systems Manager Pillows

'This new water cooler streamlines the gossip process - we get all the numbers and none of the fluff. The R.O.I. just sky rocketed!'

"I like that one. Has a certain ring to it."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'You know too much,'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Useless information"

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Catalogue of little books.

"Space exploration"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"And you need to know this why?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Megabyte Information Processing Center.

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

'Guess they're still fixing the street.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

Project Manager Showdown

'We want people to see the human side of IT.'

The weightless office.

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'