Industrial Health Expert Pillows

'I was giving a lecture on industrial health and safety when I tripped over a microphone cable and fell off the stage!'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Time Out For Teddy

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

'No days off, no paid overtime, no benefits...this job is killing me!'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

"And this is another economic indicator."

"Graphs are like EKGs, they show the health of a company."

Days without an incident.

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

'OK, what's the first thing we need to capture in our Job Safety Analysis?' 'Don't tick off TINY!'

Man from 'Environmental Health visits a caf� run by bugs

"Have you ever worked in a noisy environment, and suffered hearing loss as a result?"

"We might be in trouble – the environment people have cited us as a hazardous waste site."

Safety last.

'Larry, did you replace the cartridges in all the respirators this morning?'

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

Vis10n Impaired

How did I go from the 3 martini power lunch to the low-carb 3 grain power bar?

Did our request for different safety hats get approval?

"Still having some problems with the halitosis Mr Bobbins?"

Work Accidents

Swine Flu danger as a pandemic

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

Man putting up accident prevention sign falls off ladder.

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).