Indoor Relaxation Gifts

'It says in the paper this is a good film to watch because the sun comes out a lot.'

The Apathy TV Channel

"Normally I'd agree that sitting in front of a roaring fire one a cold winter night was wonderful...but you don't have a fireplace, Norman."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

'Dear, could you hold it down to a light snow flurry?'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, a CD player, a laptop computer, a cordless phone and thou.'

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

A man sitting in the grass reading

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

"In da house"

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"He's 'getting the grill ready for summer,' which means he's washing out the beer cooler."

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"Who's my perfect little excuse to leave social functions? You are, yes you are."

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

The following story is based on actual events.

Man about dog relaxing in chair: 'He's a full-blooded recliner.'

"Well, as usual, I'm toasty. . ."

Water Gardening: And you will find yourself thinking over many garden problems at the waterside.

Another great new year's eve! We're not doing anything, Ames. That's what's so good about it. The Dixons asked us over for a Quaker new year. They pop the bottles at 9 p.m. I guess

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'You can't imagine how happy we are to find a vet who makes house calls!'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'