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'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Bad dog."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

Cook and Octopus

Sloth traffic jam.

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

Commie Chef.

French Toast

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

'It's a letter from the fish. Apparently the water was too cold for them so they went to Florida for the winter. Dang, we came all this way for nothing.'

Ants take cheese and grater

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'We're like the canine unit, only tougher. Instead of dogs we use big, bad wolves.'

Dog, dressed as vet, is about to give cat lethal injection. Cat owner says: 'Terminal? I hope you don't mind if I get a second opinion.'

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."

"Say Jeeeeeez!"

"...Perhaps he's detecting a ghostly presence. . !!"

Eventually, many dogs and dog owners begin to look alike

"Coal? What are you, Kringle, some kind of eco-terrorist?"

Martha bakes with her new friends.