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"Steve, trust me, this has nothing to do with you being self-published."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Waiting Room For Godot.

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

'Hurry up, I'm dying to use the blog'

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

Modern publishing.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

"I'm writing a novel, but it's hard to find alone time."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

'It's not his name - It's what he does all the time.'

Pencil Rubber

Writers strike.

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

'Are you printing your own book?'

Plato's Republic as it was written and as it would have been written if Plato's academy had invested in a good word processor,

"I publish unfettered on the web."

"Philosopical argument needs an elephant in the room. Can you handle it, sweetie?"

"I tried being my own boss, but my wife got jealous."

Dear diary, I have to make this quick. I think my blog is onto us.

"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."