Income Optimizer Gifts

"We provide a comprehensive list of financial planning services to make up for your piddly salary."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Remember take time to stop and smell the profits.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

Miss Pike, send a memo to all members of staff.....Economies must be made.'

"As you can see, we're happy with the sales report."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

"How are my sales doing?"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

'Remember kid, if the market goes down, it's a buying opportunity and if the market goes up it's the start of a rally.'

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

'We're looking for a sales manager that can take our sales momentum, during December and January, and carry it over for the year.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"I was hoping for more from you 'Mission Statement' than, 'earn a s******d of money'!"

'Office real estate' lifting weights

Resume Advisor. I'm not sure "internet troll" is a resume enhancer.

"Your dedication and hard work have completely turned this company around. I guess you're no longer needed."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'