Improbable Gift Receiver T-Shirts

Man on a desert island unwraps his Christmas gifts. They're all coconuts.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Gift"

"It is my place!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

A gift for me? It's a cape because I think you're a superhero!

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Fast Food Menus

An Anarchist's Christmas

"When I said I wanted a pet, I meant a dog."

'I know yesterday was your birthday, but you're so hard to shop for.'

Vampire picking up his blood delivery (Type O, Type A, and Type B).

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

"It was heaven before this."

Jill and Ted fought to the point of complete exhaustion over the placement of, ironically, a wedding gift.

'-with every bottle comes our free Jujitsu course!'

Ockham chooses a razor

Seltzer paste.

Very rough-looking tattooed thug on his way to the 'Gentlemen'.

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.

"Happy birthday!"

'No, I won't pay $200 for a silk top hat for your snowman!'