Imperfect Chef Pillows

"You're doing it wrong."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Chez Nous Menu

Barbeque Casualty.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Witch's Brew.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"More helium."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"It's fondue night!"

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

'..and one for the pot.'

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'You better have a hunting license.'

"Rain or shine, me and you can do fondue!" "I'm ready for some yum!"

"Now carefully flip one side of the omelette..."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

"Pulled chicken? You don't want to know."

"Instant coffee? Little plug-in water heater?? This new guy must be a real survivalist!"

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

Lobster potion.

MasterWitch

"The usual"

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'