Impatient Listener Pillows

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

Audio Books

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

Cares and woes.

Shell Pods

Attention Span Man

"You took your time!" "Better latte than never"

'Are we nearly there yet Dad?'

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Okay, kids, we're finally here.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

"I hate waiting, don't you?" (patents office)

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

'OK, nod a little slower this time. Then let's work on saying 'mm-hmm, go on' ...you try it.'

4th of July and PTSD

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

"She no longer laughs at my joke."

"I think you may need to start seeing me twice a week for a while."

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

You're on, caller. What's your problem? My baby won't stop crying. How do I get her to stop? What do you mean, "get her to stop"? Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her, tell her "I hear you" ... ... AND GROW A THICKER SKIN! BABY TEARS AREN'T LITTLE GRENADES, LOSER! I wish she'd just text me like everyone else.

Deflate counselling service

"You used a four wood on a hundred yard chip shot?!!! You ARE crazy!!"

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."

Office of Dr. Elizabeth Johnson

"I'm washed up"

That book is out of stock, but if you'd like to order a copy, I can have it here in 8-10 months. Staff

"Bad day?"

"Hey, amigo... Been there, done that, bought the tattoo!"

"Anything horrible going on in your life?"

'Wouldn't you know it? Just one line is open, and I get stuck behind a stupid glacier!'

'Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding empathetically?'