Immaturity Investigator Pillows

"Call me when you've learned how to have an adult relationship with your apartment."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

'I read all the parenting books, but you always manage to stay one step ahead of me!'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

Moo! Honk! Don't stoop to their level Henry!

'Your interest? -- oh, we used that to pay the federal deposit insurance.'

"Dr. Flaubert, I'm from the science police, and I'd like you to answer some questions about your last paper."

'Amnesia, you say? Did you borrow money from a friend or relative?''

"I'm getting a little peckish. Hey! How dare you ignore me. I don't care if I have to go out or not, I'm waking you up at 4 a.m."

We are 50 going on 15...

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

'Of course I've become more mature since you started treating me. You've been at it since I was 14 years old.'

"The adult diapers I understand, but the adult binky..."

US economy chained to China

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

Bottled water has no trans fats.

'Third one this month. Do you always have to analyze everything to death?'

Honey, if the government won't contact-trace Kimberley's pool parties, I will simply do it myself."

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake... Well, that would be pretty rotten thing to do, God, seeing as I'm only eight years old."

'Do you ever think Mature is kind of an odd way to classify video games?'

'It just so happens that I LIKE shows geared to a 12-year-old mentality!'

"I don't think your parent would sign this excuse, 'Timmy's Mom'."

A form of bureaucrats

Ace of spades instead of heart in rib cage.

Guide to Contagious Dis e a s e s.

"On the surface there's nothing wrong with you."

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'