Image Consulting T-Shirts

'We've written an honest speech that presents you ‘warts and all.' All you need is a voice coach, image consultant and makeup artist.'

"I've been typecast as a fat, bald white guy - what can you do for me?"

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

That shows business confidence.

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Time Is Money

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'This is a job for a consultant.'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'