Identity Theft Awareness Gifts

'I'm flattered... someone stole my identity.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'I use the clones to help prevent identity theft.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

"One of you got online and stole my identity, which is weird because there's not one thing unique about us."

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

Don't use your dog's name as a password

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'Stop kicking the back of my chair!'

"Here's the problem -- your fourth wall is broken. That's why you keep seeing all those people out there."

An identity thief takes the stand.

'When did these start coming with privacy protection?'

I'm not getting a criminal background check to be a substitute teacher. Sorry, principal. Aren't you setting a bad example, nana? Yeah. How else can our kids prepare for lives of continual surveillance and invasion of their privacy? Take an airline flight! Or sign on to Facebook.

'Most businesses point their CCTV cameras at property they want to protect. . . not at what they want to watch on the webcam...'

'Number Eleven are shagging again, let's go and watch the live feed from the control room.'

You know what? I think we are victims of identity theft!

'It's your wife on camera 3 again!'

'I see you need help. When was your identity stolen, sir?'

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

"The person who stole my identity is in this city, so look for someone who looks and acts like me."

"Ever since his identity was stolen, he's been easier to live with."

Spray Can of Violence

"To ensure a free and transparent workplace I wear an active body camera while monitoring everyone's email."

They're security cameras. I got them because I'm my own worst enemy.

"I won a million dollars in an online lottery, and as I was tranferring the money to my bank account, the computer froze."

Now in Stock! 25 Million Names and Addresses on a 2 Disk Set.

Pull yourself together, get over it and move on.

Alcohol, Violence and Crime

'We'll try. In the meantime, I can offer you a great deal on a new identity to replace yours.'