Hyperactivity Gifts

'Wow! What energy drink are you on?'

Overjumpers

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

Genius Envy

Exercising

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

'They're a very successful family.'

Too big to fail

'He's a real high flyer!'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'No ulcers shows me you haven't reached your full potential.'

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

"You promised to stop bringing your work home."

Office Task Map

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

'Ten 'A's? Frankly son, I'm disappointed that you're not more of a disappointment to me.'