Hygiene Haggler T-Shirts

I lie to my dentist about how often I floss. I also lie about what parts of my body I floss.

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

The Cougher

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'Where's my glove?'

You have the worst spring breath.

Wash your hands

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

Hand Sanitiser on the Bar

"Relax, Dad... I'll put your toothbrush away when I'm done. I always do."

'Never accept the first offer, always hold out for more.'

Soap Versus Coronavirus

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Mom, why do I have to wash both hands? I only eat with one of them.'

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

Shaking hands will transfer bacteria

A day in the life of a dish sink

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

'I'm playing a crowd member in the Easter pageant. I was going to play Pilate 'til I found out I'd have to wash my hands.'

'I'm the good witch, and this is my house - made entirely out of dental care products.'

"We might be in trouble – the environment people have cited us as a hazardous waste site."

"Our staff here at the practice believe in 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration, so I had these showers installed."

'I already had one bath today! You want my skin to wear out?'

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"