Hydration Fan Pillows

'It just got ugly. Ed from I.T. drank the entire water cooler and he wasn't even thirsty!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Filet minion

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'We can't go in... we've only one 'pair of trunks' between us!'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

DIY marriage counseling.

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?"

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

'Tough day at the office! Somebody broke the water cooler!'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"There! Now let's hear no more noise about wanting a glass of water!"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'I love it when it's windy and we do a Mexican wave!'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Do you have bottled spring water?'