Humorously Healthy Pillows

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I'll take #1.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

Lard Lite - Marketing

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

'If we could just figure out some high-energy diet, we wouldn't have to spend the hole day eating.'

'This is spinach, Grandma. Spinach isn't grandmotherly.'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

"It wasn't really insulin. You don't have diabetes yet. It was just a warning shot."