Humorous Heart Pillows

"I know this is heaven! This is the lightest I've ever been"

'Look pal, we're friends and all, but you need to get out more, meet some people...'

Sexual chemistry set

Message in a bottle being read by a fish

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"Feel my claw of death!"

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

A thief steals a heart

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

Spud dating.

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

Snowman Sharing Pinocchio

Pregnant

Love Mix Ups.

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

Especially for YOU! - Free Valentine hugs.

"Will you call me?"

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

Snowman making a snowwoman

Did you miss me?

"Tag. . . you're it!"

'About this 'smart phone' I wished for. My second wish is that you show me how to use it.'

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'

Quotes from dog lovers and dog haters.