Humorous Heart Prints

"I know this is heaven! This is the lightest I've ever been"

'Look pal, we're friends and all, but you need to get out more, meet some people...'

Sexual chemistry set

Message in a bottle being read by a fish

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

A thief steals a heart

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

Spud dating.

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

Love Mix Ups.

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

Especially for YOU! - Free Valentine hugs.

Snowman Sharing Pinocchio

Pregnant

"Will you call me?"

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

Did you miss me?

Snowman making a snowwoman

"Tag. . . you're it!"

'About this 'smart phone' I wished for. My second wish is that you show me how to use it.'

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'

Boys kite gets stuck in a tree but the kite pulls the tree out of its roots.

"Think of all the thirsty plants in Africa!"

Quotes from dog lovers and dog haters.