Humorist With A Taste For Irony T-Shirts

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

Syringe being bent by a tattoo of a knight in armour.

"I think we have an ant problem"

"If anyone's interested in taking over Ed's Instagram account, see me after the service."

Hotel mini-bar.

Slimmer's baguette.

'And I'm telling you, mister, that a cocktail served with no ice can't be a genuine 'Titanic' cocktail!'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Honest Vending

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'