Humorist With A Love For Classics T-Shirts

'Hey, check this out: The Greeks are building a big wooden horse outside Troy...'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Clown on bike.

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Honest Vending

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

300 cows in a field...grazing!

"Roadkill cookies"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

'Damn, I'm out of earshot!'

I came, I saw, I partied!

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"What do cows do in their spare time?"

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.