Humorist Of Hidden Flavors T-Shirts

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'The Burrito King.'

Honest Vending

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'