Humor Subscriber Pillows

"Wait until that cat climbs another tree."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Faster, Georges, faster!

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

Tequila Mockingbird

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

The bird feeder.

'Guess who's teething?'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Fish finder."