Humor In Academics Lovers Pillows

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'And in conclusion.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Chaos Theory Conference.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Books on running a successful school,

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

"Along with 'Antimatter,' and 'Dark Matter,' we've recently discovered the existence of 'Doesn't Matter,' which appears to have no effect on the universe whatsoever."

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

The Perpetual Motion (just a figure of speech) Institute.

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

'Ann, you're the best graduate student I have, so I'm going to blame some faulty research on you.'

'What did you put down for the definition of plagiarism?'

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

"Gentlemen - raise your glasses'

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

When geographers and geometrists hang out.

"My research paper wasn't accepted by any of the juried publications, but it's regarded throughout the academic community as highly downloadable."

"His is a thought experiment."