Humor Hero Pillows

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

Bets on fainting after giving blood

THE WILKINSON SWORD AND THE STONE

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

"I thought you said there's nothing significant in the paper anymore..."

'And this one's for humor in the line of duty.'

'Well, you always wanted to move from the neighborhood.'

'It was a tough climb, but the view was worth it!'

"Wow, what are the chances of that four letter word being in your alphabet soup?"

"Sorry I'm late for your birthday. I'm running a little behind."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Even the waiters here are organic."