Humidity Hacker Pillows

"I still use baby powder on my butt! Especially when it's gross and sticky!"

Gadget geek.

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Great news! We're not outsourcing your job, just your pay.'

'It's not the global warming it's the humidity.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'The bad news is that you've got damp rot. The good news is - it's drowning your woodworm.'

'Don't ask questions, Margaret -- Just get Bill Gates on the phone!'

"As soon as the leaves turn, my hair goes crazy."

'Clothes-dryer Messiah.'

"Looks like beach weather."

"I'm trying to hack into Mother Nature's computer so I can make it snow. I have some serious TV binge watching to do, so I need the snow days."

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Addiction Research Centre.

The Ten Resolutions

'I don't know when I've seen it so humid.'

'Let's face it - home shopping catalogues are marketed at old people...' - '...but with a bit of lateral thinking they could easily target busy young professionals.' - 'These 'bathing wipes', for example, mean I can now wash my lower half on the way to wo

'Scanning articles without finishing them on the Internet is affecting you. You're not finishing anything.'

"It's not the heat or the humidity. It's the self-recrimination over not finding a way to get out of the city this summer."

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

'All this humidity is terrible for my sinuses.'

Human Cull: People who constantly sniff, instead of blowing their nose.

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

"What you need, Harold, is to computerize your inner soul."

"Hey, bartender, spill another beer in front of me, will ya?"

"Perhaps you could turn the humidifier down just a bit, Dear!"