Human Relations Gifts

'And that's Mel. To be honest, I've always found him to be a hard person to nail down!'

'We must lighten the load...you're a good company man, aren't you, Carruthers?

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"You do like octopus?"

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Romance

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Right click for yes...

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."