Human Condition Ponderer T-Shirts

Desert crawler following water

The Human Condition

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Waiting for Pants

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

Caption Contest TK

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Creator's Remorse

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Pride - from The Seven Deadly Sins.

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

The Collective Unconscious