Hr Representatives Pillows

'So you want a transfer from light fittings.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Others will fight for you

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."