Hr Guru Pillows

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

'I believe the courts have recently ruled that asking questions of an applicant, during an interview, is illegal.'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

"But if we keep up with technology out employees might develop skills that will allow them to leave."

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'Managing finance is integral to this post. How would you respond to a perfectly reasonable request for extra funds?'

'I hope he doesn't ask about that one thing.'

'I have no doubt this is the best way to choose our new associate.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"Wikipedia does not count as a reference in resumes."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Others will fight for you

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?