Household Tactician T-Shirts

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

SWAT Team (going in to catch a fly).

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

Office De-cluttering

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

"I thought it was just the cap that was child-resistant."

Kangaroo to upside down joey: 'Once again your room is in total disarray!'

Linda sets a pick, allowing Dave a clear path to the last doughnut.

'The only imaginable solution to this problem is a battle to the death.'

"I'm adding the laundry room and kitchen to your GPS. Judging by all the clothes and dishes in your room, you don't know the locations."

Chess Chef

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

Moon Vacuuming

"I appreciate your calling, but I'm not interested in purchasing Chinese food at this time."

"My mom uses quesadillas to hide all kinds of vegetables I don't like."

'I amassed a fortune and you had to have a government bailout. Why would I let you manage my wealth?'

"Mom said you should empty the dishwasher since I helped her update her phone and computer. It pays to be smart."

'I'd call it a conversion.'

She's a spoiled brat --- She always gets the benefit of the pout.

"Your mother must have a hidden agenda, the way she gave you those extra cookies."

"Those are my books on tidying up."

'conference call on line one. Your wife, your mistress and your wife's lawyer.'

"I fight your mother here so I don't have to fight her at home."