Household Rules Gifts

'that awful dog knows he's not supposed to be on the sofa!'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

One way only.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

The revenge of Russell

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Here's your sweater back."

"I'm going to need your room cleaned by end-of-day."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'... And as soon as it's discovered, don't play with fire!'

"Please don't go!"

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

Angel with speed camera.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

"Live life with enthusiasm. Be attentive and eager to please! Sleep only at night! ...and never scratch the furniture!"

No petting in the pool!

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

'We named him 'Raisin Bran.' Every morning in the litter box, it's two scoops!'

Warning.

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"Wait a second, this cat wasn't stolen. Who authorized the high-speed chase?"

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'