Household Chaos Juggler Pillows

"Oh fine, fine. . . you know me! How have YOU folks been holding up?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Before I can stop and smell the roses, I need time to stop and plant the @#$% roses.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

Acclaimed mother.

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

Decorating with Children

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"I didn't feel any 'earthquake'."

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"The small door's for the dog and the larger one's for the kids."

"Now will you knock it off with all the bird calls?"

Today's nervous breakdown occurred yesterday.

"Mom said to put her on your 'Don't bother me I'm taking a bath' list!"

"The kids were late for school and it just stayed like that."

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'We need another refrigerator, Mom.'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

"There goes Daddy to the park again! And do you know what he does in the park? He sits! That's what he does. He sits! He goes to the park and just sits!"

Nerve-racking Chanukah moments

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."

'Surprise!'