House Flipping Pillows

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'I'll admit it, the basement is a little damp.'

Unreal Estate Investing

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"I love what you've done to the house."

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

She left lots of photos out so the cat wouldn't miss her while she was away...

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'

New Swiss Army Knife

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"When the researcher said we were going to a gated community, I had no idea what he meant."

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

' Oh no! I'm being repossessed! '

Wallpapering with Nails

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

"I couldn't keep up the payments."

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"