House Arrest Pillows

"Ever since your brother has been under house arrest, we always have to go to his."

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'The roof needs icing.'

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"Here's your sweater back."

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

'It's a long and narrow home: A perfect fit for you Mr Eel...'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Emigrating to France.

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

Home Foreclosed Home.

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

'This is close enough.'

Realty. Remember

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"And that's when they left for vacation!"

"Who let the dining-room set into the liquor cabinet again?"

Iron Lady and Iron Man

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

Estate Agent - 'They're all mine.'

House for Sale.