Hotel Stowaways Pillows

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Heading off with a packed bag

Couch and Potato

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Mini Bar

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

Virtual Beach

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"I'd like to report this stowaway I discovered two weeks ago, Captain."

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

'And the kids will go on treating the place like an hotel if you keep leaving them chocolate mints on their pillows.'

Room service.

Sparrow Hilton

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

'Surely the most environment-friendly holiday is staying at home.'

Best Pizza in Town, Best Pizza in the World and Best Pizza on the Block.

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

'Forget the waiter...I'm getting a delivery service.'

'Why do we always get take-away when it's your turn to cook?'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"