Hotel Hero Gifts

Hotel Stay

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'What's holding him up?'

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."