Hosting Aficionado Pillows

'You're dead on time for drinks-I didn't realise our whistling kettle was THAT loud!'

Mr. Punch's Fancy Ball

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Twister:Rural Social Networking

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Editor.

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Dip Pen

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"Sure, this camp has swimming, games, fishing, horseback riding and rock climbing. But, does it have Wi-Fi?"

Lemming mothers

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"That news you're reading is 24 hours old. I can get it 23 hours and 57 minutes sooner online."

'You can social network me behind my ears if you like.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

Wifi Peacock

"I can write, but I can't draw."