Hosting A Guest Pillows

Punchline: Another weekend ruined by an unexpected houseguest.

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"They make an awfully big thing of cookouts."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'Thanks for having us and I'm really sorry about the cheeseball. Honestly, I didn't realise I was meant to share it.'

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"Boy am I in trouble! How was I supposed to know that what I was scratching is called a "Wedding Dress"? She's so mad right now!"

"When we grow up we can eat snacks BEFORE dinner and call them hors d'oeuvres!"

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

'Brew?'

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

'You wished to see the house red?'

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

'I must warn you our food isn't as good as you would find in a garbage can.'

'Surprise!'

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

"Your college student, home for the holidays, waits until dinner to announce that he is now a vegan. . ."

Fluffy was never quite the same after Aunt Ruby's visit.

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

Bathroom Fashion

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'