Hosting A Big Family Dinner T-Shirts

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Party time.

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"You've all been like a company to me."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"Fridge-to-table"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Could I trade all of this for more of that?'

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'